i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
