There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
