Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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