That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
