let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
