I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
