Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
