i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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