Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
