This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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