I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I need a beard to bite.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
