my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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