Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
