He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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