"it" just moved
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
