laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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