if you like me you must not know who I am
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You ate ashes out of my bong
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
