But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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