Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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