if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
