When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
