Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
