Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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