How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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