Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
