Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
