walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
