Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If I die, sorry about rent.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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