God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
