i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
