Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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