I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
