For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
