oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
