My first STD was from a foam party
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
