Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
