I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
