just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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