I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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