you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
