I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you traded sex for a burrito?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
