I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
