This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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