Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
