i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
