We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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