She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
