we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
