so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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