the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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