Yo dont text me then not text me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
