It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
