I just saw a hot homeless man
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
